"Hi, I'm, Autumn"

Just finished 500 Days of Summer for the 100th time. I love that the movie was written about the journey not the destination. I love the contrast between the hopeless and guarded characters. I love that it ends in a perfect loop with no real ending because that's what all this is (I think). Lately I feel like a rotting mid west barn on a hilltop with no lightning rod just asking to be struck. For some time I was in a deep depression. I couldn't feel anything. Alcohol only brought out anger and everything else just amplified the problem. I watched every sappy movie and tried all my favorite things with zero results. It was aweful.

9 months or so ago I got it all back. I had the wind taken out of me. I felt like I was gonna throw up for days. Sense that day things have been becoming brighter and brighter. I don't mean becoming normal I mean becoming enlightened. When I drive I role the windows down to smell the air and hear the city. The sun is brighter than it has ever been. Remedial tasks are more interesting. Conversations have more meaning. Everyone elses perspective is more interesting. I can feel the things I imagine. I live for that moment.

In 500 days of summer the writer emphasizes the moments not the result. It's not important that the 2 characters don't end up together. It's important they were together. In the end Tom meets Autumn. He starts it all over. I see my whole life this way. I can't see my self with someone for the next 50 years. Rather 2,3,10 someones that I give it all to. I'll enjoy every moment as I hope she does and we'll go about our seperate ways remembering the time we had fondly.

I used to throw away my ex's photos. That was one of the the stupidest thing I ever did. I remember going to my buddies and seeing photos of all his ex's mixed in with all his other photos. I asked, "does your girlfriend get mad about this" and he responded with, "those people were an important part of my life and I'll be damned if I forget them." My perspective change in the moment. He was right. Why do we try so hard to forget when we can embrace. So...I choose to embrace. I'm put my hand out to new friends, feelings, and experiences. If it only lasts a moment so be it. At least I had the moment.