It's been a day

I woke up this morning in an awesome mood. I had punk rock on the radio, the weekend was pretty relaxing, and I had a list of things I set out to accomplish. I took the kiddo to school and got my coffee with zero problems. The drive to the office was normal with no change in mood. Then...

My entire demeanor changed as soon as I arrived at office. I'm starting to think it's a toxic environment. As the caffeine wore off my shoulder began to slump. I felt my heart grow heavy as the hours staring at a computer drone on. Not because I was in front of a computer but because I felt it was all for not. Some how, in this HUGE life change I'm going through, I realized how much I HATE selling homes to people I don't know. I dread it. It's not me. I love people and see the good in all of them even as they shit on other people who don't deserve it. You see, people who don't know you personally, don't know if they can trust you. They fight you every day. In their mind you are at war with them and they have to win.

This wouldn't be that bad except now I've been commissioned to higher a whole team of people to do this and I have to train them. I don't think I can do it and I've put myself in a financial situation that I can't get out of without following though. It weighs heavy on me every day and it's getting worse.

There is a bright light to this though. I've found something I love to do. I LOVE the whole YouTube, web personality thing. I get excited just thinking about it. Soooo...how to get from point A to point B. I've got the second half figured out but the first is ugh, a bit tougher.

I think what makes it harder is the personal stuff I've gone through lately. I know I can handle all of this and I've been in much tougher times. I guess it's that I built this new company up in my head so much that I'm seriously disappointed. What's the point in having a great product if you can't sell it. Well...I can't sell me for shit lately.